When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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