i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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