I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
