She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i believe in u and ur pee
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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