i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
