I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
its not stalking. its research.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
