I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There are leaves in my underwear?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
