The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
