A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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