dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
