Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
