I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize