So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
