I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
