no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
