i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
