i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
