I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
