He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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