have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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