yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
did i just pee glitter
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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