i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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