He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize