I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
how drunk are you?
Several
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
