you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
