Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
