you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
