i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you never un-have a 4some
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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