He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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