got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I love having hate sex.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
