Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
