theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
