Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
