We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
