i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just cropdusted the office
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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