Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I sprained my soul last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
