if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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