I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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