I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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