When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
