dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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