My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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