apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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