so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
