apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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