Whod you bang
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
