i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am one with the molecules
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
