so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
