Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
