How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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