Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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