I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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