the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
