My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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