My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
