I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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