??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
