i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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