It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
