Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
