he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize