just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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