please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
