i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
