Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
