i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize