Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm having to shit out rocks
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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