I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
