conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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