He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
