Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
