I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize