anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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