on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You did what with his pubic hair?
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