I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
