i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
