Four minutes until I can fart!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
