Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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