she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
