I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
