dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
