Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
