She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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