dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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