I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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