He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
