things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
