omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize