You can't motorboat a personality
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
