Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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