I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
