Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
