You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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