Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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