Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need a beard to bite.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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