Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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