You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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