Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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