Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
