If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
