i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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