the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
