dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
